I'm not here- I'm over there

I'm up for critique today on Unicorn Bell. It's such a wonderful and helpful blog. I'd love it if you hopped on over and threw in your two cents :) See you there :)

~Amber

Bloghops and contests coming in May :)

Okay, so the big news today is that I will be entering two bloghops on May 3rd. One is a contest/ bloghop- fingers crossed and prayers sent up that I make it into the top 40, the other is an- oh so inspirational bloghop which I can't wait to read the entries from. So here's the scoop.

Katie is hosting a wonderful bloghop called Wildflowers in Winter. You should go check it out and enter when the time comes. It is a chance to post about the time in your life when you were suffering, but God was ever present. So yes it will be a day of tears, but the stories are meant to show God's glory and I am stoked to share my (oh so very personal only my closest of closest friends have ever known) story with all of you. I'm having anxiety right now just thinking about sharing it, but since I am writing my memoirs, and hoping to publish them, I might as well start with a sneak peak for my closests friends- all of you!

The other contest/ bloghop is called The Writer's Voice and will be ubber amazing!!! Basically it will work just like the show-the voice. There will be four judges/blogs that will read through 150 entries and if they like you, they will hop over to your blog and comment under your entry (your query and first 250) that they pick you. Now I could never hope for this, but if more than one judge picks you, YOU get to choose which judge you want to train you. Each judge will get ten contestants that they will coach/ critique their entry, then a few days later those top forty will go up in front of 8 agents! I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it sounds like so much fun, especially since you have to post your entry on your blog for all to see. So whether I make top forty or not, feel free to hop over and throw in your two cents...I love constructive criticism. I know I'll be hopping around for sure and reading everyone's posts!!

So, I will leave you with the very first sentence to my new WIP, my memoirs of a tragedy that Jesus carried me through which a summary will be posted on May 3rd.

I knew at any moment he would kill me.

(If you want to know what happened you'll have to come back on May 3rd...but I'll let you in on a spoiler- I didn't die :)

Latest attempt at a query...any help is appreciated :)

This is query number 6 or maybe 7. I'm kind of losing track at this point. I have taken advice from everyone and tried to incorporate it. One thing I have heard from a few people is.... 'How is this story the 40 days of temptation?' And although it is very clear in the story... I have had a hard time figuring out how to get 2 povs into the query. I would love to query just 1 pov, and that's what my previous attempts were, but when I leave off the other character- who is going through the 40 days of temptation- then the symbolism is lost. So here is my current try...any thoughts:)
QUERY

UNYIELDING, is a YA high fantasy. Complete at 62,000 words, this novel puts a unique spin on the classic story of the 40 days of temptation Christ suffered. It is written from two povs- a hot headed disciple trying to rescue his friend, and the friend, who is imprisoned and being offered anything to switch sides.

Gabe is a clumsy, hot-tempered, seventeen-year-old boy whose problems are far from typical. While most teens are bothered by sweaty palms and cracking voices, Gabe has to deal with lightning that shoots from his hands every time he gets upset- which for him is more often than not. And he’d love to have grade troubles and prom date worries, instead he has to avenge his parent’s murder and save his best friend’s life.

A man named Samael and his legion of followers are on a rampage for power over the planet. Samael comes for Gabe’s family, but Gabe's best friend Rhet, saves him. Gabe’s parents aren’t so fortunate, and neither is Rhet, who became collateral damage and is captured. It turns out Rhet is the one Samael has been hunting all this time.

While in prison Rhet is given a choice- join Samael on his conquest- or everyone he ever loved will die. With Rhet in his grasp, Samael will do anything to turn him, offer anything. What Samael doesn't know is that Rhet has his own ulterior motives, something much greater than Samael could ever offer.

The first chapter of UNYIELDING will be featured as a flash fiction piece on an agent’s blog, Sarah LaPolla’s- Glass Cases. I feel this would be a good fit with you because of........ Thank you for your time.

Here's a song to brighten your day. Happy hump day :)

I love this song and it is soooo me! When I lose perspective (which is more often than I'd like to admit) this is the song I listen to to get me back on track. It is light, peppy, and a great song for hump day. Enjoy :)

Any help would be so, so appreciated!!! Query critique

I've starred at my first chapter and query till I was blue in the face. So far I have entered a couple of contests, and sent out about 4 queries with no luck or nibbles. Which I know is normal...but I want to make sure what I'm sending is precise, and solid.

I've revised my query to show more of my story's depth. I feel like the original is vague. Here is my latest attempt. I think it might be too long, and I'm scared to tell an agent there are 2 pov's... Any tips, comments, advice...all are welcome.


QUERY

Samael is creating an army to rule over the planet. Most people on Satus have no idea about the war going on around them. If they don't have supernatural powers then they are of no value, good or bad. If they do have powers, and Samael learns of this, they will be hunted down and given a choice- join or die.

Gabe's family is discovered for their abilities and attacked. He and his little sister just barely escape, thanks to his gifted, best friend Rhet who came to the rescue. Gabe's parents weren't so lucky and were murdered. And now Rhet is missing.

Rhet is the one Samael has been hunting all this time. Rhet is captured, but isn't given the same options as the others. His choices are- join- or everyone you ever loved will die. He faces many trials and temptations while in Samael's clutches. With Rhet in his grasp, Samael will do anything to turn him- offer anything. What Samael doesn't know is that Rhet has his own motives, something much greater than Samael could ever offer.

Gabe, at just sixteen, is left to care for his six-year-old sister. A pair of Samael’s men, posed as cops, tries to snatch him from the hospital, but an unexpected ally comes to his aid. A pint-sized woman named Maria rips into them, using her own supernatural powers, but not before finding out that Rhet is still alive and being held prisoner.

Desperate to rescue his friend, Gabe accepts her help and she takes him and his sister into hiding. What he didn't know was that he’d be living with a group of obnoxious teens she's rescued, each with their own special power and tragic story of Samael's reign. Getting along with this group will prove a challenge.

Soon he discovers there is more that binds him to this band of questionable heroes than the common enemy they share. Angry at the world and having trouble trusting, Gabe must get control of his temper to harness his supernatural abilities and fight alongside this liege of gifted misfits. They might be his only chance at saving Rhet. The only problem is he can't seem to stop fighting against them.

UNYIELDING, is a YA high fantasy. Complete at 62,000 words, this novel puts a unique spin on the classic story of the 40 days of temptation Christ suffered. This tale weaves through the forty days, showing Gabe's trials some days, and other days tell of Rhet's suffering. The two pov's give this story strength since these characters are in two separate places it allows the reader to connect with both of them and their struggles. This story will appeal to fans of The Lord of the Rings because of its symbolic nature and dark, battle scenes.

UNYIELDING is my first completed novel. I have won a blog contest for a scene in this story and my first chapter is soon to be published as a flash fiction piece on an agent’s blog, Glass Cases. This is a multiple submission.


Here's my original.....

Being a clumsy, hot-tempered, seventeen-year-old boy who sparks lightning from his hands anytime he gets upset isn’t ideal.  But when Gabe awakes in a hospital from a brutal beating which left him unconscious, he finds his world shattered. A man named Samael and his legion of followers are on a rampage for power over the planet Satus. Gabe’s parents stood in their way and were murdered. His best friend Rhet was in the wrong place and is now missing.

A pint-sized woman named Maria comes to his rescue when a pair of Samael’s men, posed as cops, tries to snatch him from the hospital.  Using her own supernatural powers she rips into them, kung fu style, but not before finding out that Rhet is still alive and being held prisoner by Samael. 

Desperate to rescue his friend, Gabe accepts her help and she takes him into hiding to begin training for war. What he didn’t know was he’d be living with a group of obnoxious teens she's rescued, each with their own special power and tragic story. They might be his only chance at saving Rhet. The only problem is, Gabe can't seem to stop fighting against them.

UNYIELDING, is a YA high fantasy. Complete at 62,000 words, this novel puts a unique spin on the classic story of the 40 days of temptation Christ suffered, but written from the POV of a hot headed disciple. 

My first chapter of UNYIELDING is soon to be published as a flash fiction piece on an agent’s blog, Glass Cases.