And now for part two. The wonderful ladies over at falling4fiction are hosting a bloghop. On Mon. we posted out first sentences and today we post the last sentence to our chapters. Hence the hookers and hangers title :) You can post as many as you'd like, but only three hookers and hangers will be judged. Hope that makes sense. Each of the five ladies will pick their favorite 2 entries for a total of ten winners, then they will give their picks a ten page critique. Yay! My hookers are first and in blue, immediately following, are my hangers.
Okay lets bring out my hangers :)
Genre: YA narrative memoir
Title: PERFECTLY BROKEN
Chapter one- I know at any moment he'll kill me. First one to find my rapist gets to pull the trigger.
Chapter two- I've been sitting in this closet sized room for two hours giving my statement, but it's more like I'm being interrogated. Somewhere between my sobs and prayers, I find the comfort of sleep.
Chapter three- It's been less than a day since I was kidnapped and raped, and yet I'm expected to function like a normal human being. Now
I know they will never catch the bastard and I have no-one to blame but myself.
Chapter four- It's like this has all been some kind of crazy nightmare. I am truly alone.
Chapter five- I sit up in bed to the sound of mom calling, "Amber it's time to go to school." Thank you, God.
Chapter six- When that monster was captured, I went through an entire day of bliss, unafraid. I
have depleted my body, but my mind won’t tire. It allows me no peace. (these sentences belong together or it doesn't exactly make sense)
Chapter seven- Today I meet my attorney. What
kind of evil could do such a thing, repeatedly?
Chapter eight- I'm in Mrs. B.B.'s class, trying to stay awake. I
demanded his respect the day I refused to be groped, and with his humility, in
time, he earned mine. (I feel the need to explain, this is a kid at school who got a little grabby, and not my rapist)
Chapter nine- My lawyer turned out to be pretty awesome at her job. After
a few games of kickball, the sky grows dark and it’s time to settle in for the
Chapter ten- It has been three days since Jason asked me to read the book of JOB, but I've been putting it off, trying to find anything to do except read the bible. I will love and respect you.
Chapter eleven- This morning there's a bounce in my step. Finally I'm at peace.
Chapter twelve- I've survived the school year. I toss all night with anticipation for the trip to Spain tomorrow.
Chapter thirteen- I hug Sam first, then mom. “Thank
you, Ambar, Oh thank you, thank you, so much! I lub it.” (This is a Spanish friend speaking- hence the accent :)
Chapter fourteen- The smell of Spain is engulfing. “He
is perbect, and jew meet him tonight.” (Same as above- Spanish accent)
Chapter fifteen- Irene's dad pulls to a stop and turns to face us. I
completely forget about the weapons in my purse because I want Pedro close, touching me.
Chapter sixteen- I sleep longer and harder than I have in a long time. Oh Lord, what
have I done?
Chapter seventeen- This
morning I rise much easier than the days before. I
link my arm into hers and we walk off to search for more mischief.
Chapter eighteen- It takes me forever to pick out what to wear. He’s
more than I could have ever hoped for.
Chapter nineteen- Irene tells me we're going shopping today. I’m
certain many people go their entire lives and never get to have this.
Chapter twenty- I am officially ruined. And every night it gets harder and harder to let
go of him.
Chapter twenty-one- It's my last twenty-four hours in Spain and all I want to do is cry. I board the plane with a hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be.
Chapter twenty-two- Home is not where my heart is. Who knew my mom was so wickedly awesome?
Chapter twenty-three- Let's face it, everyone falls victim to something at some point in their lives, but so few of us ever fight back. He stole my youth. Now I’m going to take his future.
Chapter twenty-four- My hands are trembling. I
have an urge to give her a Spanish double kiss, but she wouldn’t understand, so
I leave it at a hug.
Chapter twenty-five- "It's time," Mrs. Hammond says, calling me to give my testimony. In all my wildest hopes and dreams, I have never dared to wish for this. Sixty-six years in prison seems like a punishment handed down straight from God. I lower my head. Thank you, Lord. Thank you for giving me justice. (wanted to share all of this as well- since this is a true story:)
Chapter twenty-six- Eleven years later- I’m lying in bed just as naked as a jay bird. There isn’t much I own that still fits me. These days I am the size of a house. About the only thing I’m comfortable in is my birthday suit, and it’s fitting, since today is my birthday. I am officially twenty-seven. I also happen to be a whopping thirty-five weeks pregnant. I always wanted to tell my story, and now I can, because I have my happy ending.
Okay, well there's the line-up of my ms. And basically you have a complete outline :) I figured I'd go ahead and put them all out there :)
I am so running behind this morning. Ack. So here it is. The wonderful ladies over at falling4fiction are hosting a bloghop. You post the first sentence to your chapters today, then on Wed. you post the last sentence to your chapters.You can post as many as you'd like, but only the first three chapter hookers and hangers will be judged. Hope that makes sense. Each of the five ladies will pick their favorite 2 entries for a total of ten winners, then they will give their picks a ten pages critique. Yay!
Okay lets bring out my hookers :)
Genre: YA narrative memoir
Title: PERFECTLY BROKEN
Chapter one- I know at any moment he'll kill me.
Chapter two- I've been sitting in this closet sized room for two hours giving my statement, but it's more like I'm being interrogated.
Chapter three- It's been less than a day since I was kidnapped and raped, and yet I'm expected to function like a normal human being.
Chapter four- It's like this has all been some kind of crazy nightmare.
Chapter five- I sit up in bed to the sound of mom calling, "Amber it's time to go to school."
Chapter six- When that monster was captured, I went through an entire day of bliss, unafraid.
Chapter seven- Today I meet my attorney.
Chapter eight- I'm in Mrs. B.B.'s class, trying to stay awake.
Chapter nine- My lawyer turned out to be pretty awesome at her job.
Chapter ten- It has been three days since Jason asked me to read the book of JOB, but I've been putting it off, trying to find anything to do except read the bible.
Chapter eleven- This morning there's a bounce in my step.
Chapter twelve- I've survived the school year.
Chapter thirteen- I hug Sam first, then mom.
Chapter fourteen- The smell of Spain is engulfing.
Chapter fifteen- Irene's dad pulls to a stop and turns to face us.
Chapter sixteen- I sleep longer and harder than I have in a long time.
Chapter seventeen- It takes me forever to pick out what to wear.
Chapter eighteen- Irene tells me we're going shopping today.
Chapter nineteen- I am officially ruined.
Chapter twenty- It's my last twenty-four hours in Spain and all I want to do is cry.
Chapter twenty-one- Home is not where my heart is.
Chapter twenty-two- Let's face it, everyone falls victim to something at some point in their lives, but so few of us ever fight back.
Chapter twenty-three- My hands are trembling.
Chapter twenty-four- "It's time," Mrs. Hammond says, calling me to give my testimony.
Chapter twenty-five- Eleven years later- I’m
lying in bed just as naked as a jay bird. There isn’t much I own that
still fits me. These days I am the size of a house. About the only the thing
I’m comfortable in is my birthday suit, and it’s fitting, since today is my
birthday. I am officially twenty-seven. I also happen to be a whopping
thirty-five weeks pregnant.
(I thought I'd put the first paragraph just for fun)
Okay, well there's the line-up of my ms. I figured I'd go ahead and put them all out there :)
Good morning bloggers. How goes your writing endeavors? My latest news is about an amazing contest. And when I say amazing, I mean there are 10 agents coming by kind of amazing. The beautiful Michelle Krys is hosting Christmas in July along with her equally beautiful and talented friend Ruth Steven. If you aren't following them then you should. I'm not going to go into all the details about the contest, all I'm going to say is it's going on right this second. It will end today at 3pm EST. Query + first 500, top 30 go before some amazing agents!!! What are you waiting for?
Here's the part where I hang my head in shame. You won't believe what I did. I'm so embarrassed! I have worked on my query for over a month. I've had it critiqued by many colleagues several times. So what did I do? I decided to change a sentence last second- in the inbox of the email- and with my coffee deprived morning eyes I didn't catch my typo!!!!! After I clicked send I copied my new query over to a document and saw the error! This is the part where I rushed back to the sent email, crying, "No, no, no, no. Please God tell me I didn't do that!" But alas, I did.
The hook line of my query was ruined. This is how it was originally-
When she's kidnapped and raped, she fights with everything she has. I decided last minute to change it to-
When she's kidnapped and raped, she fights with every ounce of her soul to stay alive.
But what I sent was- When she's kidnapped and raped, she fights with everything ounce of her soul to stay alive.
Do you see my humiliation now? Feel free to send hugs and chocolate my way. I'm pretty sure I blew it with the contest. There are too many talented writers out there with perfect entries to ignore my flub up. So, to make myself feel better I will post my intended entry for all of you.
Here is my query and first 500 words.
Amber Mauldin: PERFECTLY BROKEN (YA narrative memoir)
Fifteen-year-old Amber Harville is a
spitfire of a girl who’s as quick to throw a punch as she is to steal a kiss.
When she’s kidnapped and raped, she fights with every ounce of her soul to stay
captor’s first mistake was choosing her as his victim. His second was letting
to the police and three days later he’s caught. After meeting with her lawyer,
she discovers her evidence was the key to capturing a serial rapist. Although
revenge is never far from her mind, going to court becomes about so much more.
It is now about protecting all his future victims.
While preparing for
trial, she struggles to deal with the damage left behind. Amber puts on a brave
face for the world, but the invisible scars leave her incapable of being
touched. The one boy who tries almost gets a cheek full of knuckles. With the
guidance of a youth pastor, her 'Sunday only' faith is challenged, and grows to
a relationship full of healing.
A summer foreign exchange program
comes at the perfect time. With the court date months away, a trip to Spain is
exactly what she needs- a break from the pressures of the trial. The last thing
she ever wanted was a gorgeous Spanish boy to awake her stone-cold heart. Now
torn between staying in Spain for the school year with the boy she loves, or
returning home to testify, she has to decide what is more important- protecting
her heart or protecting other women from a monster.
PERFECTLY BROKEN is a YA
narrative memoir complete at 68,000 words. Fans of THE DEVIL IN PEW NUMBER
SEVEN by Rebecca Nichols Alonzo will be drawn
to this story for its intense nature and compelling faith.
Statistics say one in five American women
experience sexual assault in their lifetime, but over half of those crimes go
unreported. I hope my story will help encourage more to come forward and seek
justice. Thank you so much for your time and consideration. As per your guidelines I have pasted my first 500 words below.
I know at any moment he’ll kill me. His scorching
breath is on my neck. His odor is imbedded in my nose. It’s only been minutes
since he crawled off me, but the rape keeps replaying in my mind, torturing me
over and over again.
My head is twisted in an impossible headlock and he’s
holding me so tight I can barely breathe. I could probably see down my back if
only my eyes would open, but they aren’t something I control anymore. Instinct
has taken over, shielding me the only way it can- by keeping me from seeing
what this man has done to my body, and no doubt what he intends to do next.
I tried to escape at first, I fought like hell, but he was
too strong. As soon as he got his death grip on my head, he’d won the battle. When he growled, “One more move and
I’ll break your neck.” I believed him.
There is a professional way about his strength. He knew
exactly how to subdue me, and quickly, like he’d done this before. With just
one hand on my head, he’s managed to lock me in place. My entire body is stiff,
laid across the front seat and he’s driving with his other hand as if this were
easy. Methodical, calculated, professional. Military crosses my mind.
He has had me in his clutches for at least an hour. Or maybe
it has been ten minutes.
Time seems to stop right before you die.
Why am I still alive? He’s
already raped me, what more- I stop myself. I won’t go there. I won’t think
about how he plans to kill me. And besides, I refuse to die in whatever way he
has chosen. I am certain I won’t live much longer, but there is one thing I can
do, if escaping is out of the question. I am ready. I will not be going home to
my family tonight, but I will send them my killer, my rapist, or rather his DNA
buried beneath my fingernails when they find my dead body. I am prepared to
strike at the first sign he is done with me. I know the moment I claw his face
off he will end my life. So I wait, patiently, for him to try to kill me. I
will put up one last fight; one he will not easily walk away from.
The car stops. This is
He lets go of my head and snarls, “If you tell anyone, I’ll
kill you.” Then he reaches across me and thrusts open the door.
I see my escape and move so quickly I topple out backwards
onto the curb.
Daylight is almost gone, granting me just enough luminescent
to see my surroundings. I’m stunned. I can’t believe he let me go.
His eyes are on me as if he’s waiting to see what I’ll do.
up, I bolt in the opposite direction like my feet are on fire.
I have been a bad blogger lately. Sorry. I was so immersed into my memoir that I simply couldn't be bothered to do anything except write. Now that I have begun to query I can finally come up for air. So, on to the critique.
On the fourth I went to a pool party at a friend's house. Well, my friend had a knack for snapping photos at the most unlikely of times and she caught me at some hilarious moments. In one picture she captured my daughter and I with the same expression. (Don't ask me what I was doing, I have no idea!) I thought this would be a great picture for dialogue tags. So here it is. In the comments section below, add dialogue tags to this photo. Whoever has the best (most likely the funniest) dialogues will win a one chapter critique from yours truly. I will talk about grammar, plot, and pace, plus mention whether I think it is a good place to begin the story and whether or not it held my attention. Or if you prefer I can critique your query- though I must admit queries are not my strength.
In case you didn't know, my name is Amber and my daughter's name is Willow. Oh and please don't walk on egg shells. I love a good laugh, even at my expense :D
It's time to celebrate. But wait, there is so much more to celebrate than this holiday. I have some HUGE NEWS!
As an aspiring author, like so many of you, my dream is to become a published author. Right, right? That's what all of us are here for. Now let me ask you a question. If you aren't there yet, if you haven't quite made it to 'published' status, what is the very next best thing that could happen???? Something so wonderful you almost feel like you are published in some small way. Do you know the answer?
Well, drum roll please....
My amazingly talented CP Jade Hart IS GETTING PUBLISHED!!!!
And without further ado here are the deets from this wonderful author and her amazing story SAMSARA. I have had the pleasure of reading it from day one and have always known this would be Jade's breakout story.
Thanks to Sharon Bayliss and Krystal Wade's Contest in May: The Wilde fire contest, Jade Hart has the exciting news of announcing her New Adult Urban
Fantasy Novel SAMSARA which will be published this year by Curiosity Quills.
Information about SAMSARA:
Loka has died. Again.
the seventeenth time.
reincarnation cloaks the previous, and Loka never remembers her past, who she
truly is. Not that it would help. Loka believes she's human... she’s mistaken.
Samsara: the perpetual journey of suffering and never knowing who she is, has
changed. Hidden deep in her rolodex of memories lurks darkness and power, and
her new rainbow eyes see things which should only exist in Hindu fables.
is informed she is a deity
with more personalities than a schizophrenic, and has been forced on a path to
unlock who she truly is. With strange power tingling in her limbs, and tattoos
that burn with bloodfire, the only help Loka receives is from her
douche-of-a-celestial-guide who speaks in cryptic circles, and the mysterious
and frightful half-beast, half-man, Shankara. He is as terrifying and deadly as
an assassin, but despite Shankara’s passion to kill, Loka falls in love. As
their bond increases, he reveals a dark secret:
power is so great it could kill her and every soul alive if it isn’t harnessed
correctly... And once she figures out the truth, she has one raging battle to
fight. Brahma, the God of Creation, wants what swims in her veins, and he’ll
stop at nothing to get it.
More information will follow when the book inches closer to the release
date. Isn't that so wonderful?! I couldn't be happier for her. So hop on over to her blogs and congratulate the girl already. What are you still doing here?! GO! GO NOW!