I feel so disconnected right now, but it's been a good thing. I decided to take several weeks away from social media to focus on Jesus; who He is and what He did for me, and what it is I'm supposed to do. In this time of deep reflection I greatly enjoyed some much needed family time as well. A lot happened while I was away.
On April 3rd, my husband and I traveled to Nashville, TN. and I gave my testimony in front of the camera for Christian Television Network. The air date hasn't been set yet, but I'm very excited. I have no clue what I said (I was so nervous), I just pray the Holy Spirit spoke loud and clear through me.
To know more about my testimony you can find it on this blog post here --> I am a warrior for Christ
Also, I've made a very BIG decision. I HAVE DECIDED TO SELF PUBLISH! Let me just say, this has been a very difficult decision. Some people jump at the idea to self publish. I on the other hand went kicking and screaming. It wasn't until I had a very LOUD confirmation from the Lord that I finally surrendered, but I'll get back to that in a second. Let me first explain this journey and how I ended up here.
Two years ago God laid it on my heart to write my memoir. The Holy Spirit in me kept telling me how healing the pages would be for so many women. So, as hard as it was for me to relive some of those days through my writing, I gave in to the call. What I didn't expect were all the rejections that followed. I mean, I WAS CALLED TO DO THIS, SO THIS ROAD WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SMOOTH, RIGHT? RIGHT?!!!
Well, Jesus has brought me to my knees time and time again through this journey continuously showing me that I can't do any of this on my own. Every time I feel like giving up, because it's so hard to keep getting rejections when I've poured my heart into these pages, I'll get an email from someone I've never met telling me how much my testimony has touched their heart and how they can't wait to read my memoir. Each tweet, DM, and email is like a hug from Jesus and He whispers, "Have faith that I will see you through to the other side of this."
I always wanted to be traditionally published because that would help spread the word about my story. It has never been and will never be about money, I just wanted my memoir to be available in stores to help spread the word.
I did have an agent for a year who made empty promises, but this post isn't going to be about wolves in sheep clothes. To sum it all up, I've exhausted my query efforts which amounted to--"This is powerful and healing and needs to be published, but memoirs are very hard to sell and I'm just not the right person for this."
A little over a week ago a very close friend of mine called me aside and handed me an envelope. I have to admit I was nervous. Her mood was unreadable. I opened the envelope and unfolded the letter. Immediately I notice a check inside, but refused to look at it before reading the letter.
She wrote that she had been led by the Holy Spirit to give me money to help me self publish. Her and her husband had been praying about it for a week. (I had no clue!)
I bawled like a baby. In fact, we both bawled. It was a beautiful moment. It was also the confirmation I needed. It was God's answer to my endless prayers of, "Lord please show me the path you want me to travel."
So this is where I am. And although self publishing is completely terrifying to me, I have a deep peace in knowing this is in God's hands and He will see me through to the other side.
After research and prayer, I've decided to use WESTBOW Publishing to self publish. I've put two full years into this memoir, working endless hours at editing, platform, promotion, and all the in and outs of the writing world, so I want to make sure that when my memoir does enter this world it's as polished and professional as possible. (You can find the opening chapters to my memoir here --> first two chapters )
It still might be a while before I can save up enough to self publish (I have 1/3 of what I need), but I wanted to let everyone know what's been happening and how they can continue to pray. YOU ALL have been so amazingly supportive!!! I can never say thank you enough. I've met so many caring people and I thank God for you each and every day. I look forward to what Jesus has in store and the lives that will be touched and the hearts that will be healed through the power of the Holy Spirit. Thank you for following me on this journey.
HEBREWS 11:1 "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
11:6 "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."