February 10, 2012

Flash Fiction- Emotion- BLOGHOP PHASE THREE

Cassie at Reading Writing and Lovin' it and Angie over at Live to write…edit when necessary. are hosting this awesome blogfest, check 'em out :)
                                         First here are the rules
February 10th - Friday - Emotion Flash Fiction: Emotion is the engine of a story. Pick an emotion and in a flash fiction piece of 250 words MAKE us feel it! We want to connect with your character. This will be a challenge in 250 words.
            
Yay, I'm so excited about this one!! Today's challenge 3 of the bloghop and I am ready. I hated having to choose which scene to use. I had it narrowed down to three scenes, but this was the one that ripped my heart out, so in the interest of an emotional scene here you go. *spoiler alert*

Here's my 'Flash Fiction' from my WIP- Impenetrable
MC- Gabriyel (age 17), Supporting Character- Maria (his mentor- age 40)

Gabriyel's eyes ran with liquid, though he wasn’t sure if it was tears or blood pouring down his face.  He dropped to his knees and fell onto his hands, needing the strength of all four limbs to remain upright.  Forcing himself to look up, he searched the dark, desperately needing to know the fate of his friends before his own sucked him into oblivion.
It wasn’t hard to find Maria, he just listened for the clanging of metal.  She was high up on the cliff’s edge, fighting gloriously.  The double moons shined down upon her, as if spot-lights pointing toward the star of the show.  And what a star she was.  She seemed to dance between her opponents, gliding gracefully past them as they charged her, five to one.  The ground around her was littered with bodies of those who dared to challenge her.  Even now, she quickly annihilated three men with a few thrusts of her sword. 
Maybe there is hope.   
Gabriyel’s lips curled, or at least he thought he was smiling, though he was quickly losing sensation as death gripped him.  He heaved again, struggling for oxygen as blood continued to drown his lungs.  But he kept his eyes locked on Maria, wanting his last vision to be of her victory. 
Suddenly a man was behind her and before Gabriyel could register his swift movement, the man slid a knife into Maria’s spine and she collapsed.
Gabriyel's world shattered and he welcomed the release death would bring.

           
Okay that was a clip from a tragic scene in my wip.  Did you feel lost and hopeless?  I know Gabriyel does.  Hope you enjoyed it, well actually I hope you felt the emotion which means you should feel like crap right now. haha  --sorry to be a bummer, but I promise my entire ms isn't this way, this was just an intense moment short enough for the 250 word limit. (oh and I love comments:)

~Amber~

30 comments:

Kelley said...

I do feel like crap. Thanks! haha.

But that was beautifully written. Sounds like a very tragic story! :(

Amber said...

I promise it is better than it seems. I love those stories when you think it is over- all hope is lost- and somehow, things end up working out.

Jade Hart said...

crap - that is a huge spoiler! grrr :) i'm looking forward to reading it thou, you better not kill off gabe! :)

Emily R. King said...

Tragic! Good job of making me feel depressed. Ha!

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

Oh how tragic. Why did you kill Gabriyel? I hope that someone gets revenge on the people that murdered him.

Amber said...

Who said they die? My ms is high fantasy and anything is possible. Just because they are dying, doesn't mean they die... ;)

Tasha Seegmiller said...

Ah! I so want to read more. Well done.

Amber said...

@Tasha- thanks...stay tuned in on Monday. The scene that follows this will be my Monday post for the valentine's day bloghop...I know, a kiss after a scene like this is crazy. But what can I say, I'm a crazy kinda girl :)

Roland D. Yeomans said...

I'm betting, that although it looks tense and final, this is not the end ... but rather a beginning.

Come to my entry which had to do double duty for another blogfest that I had committed to last year!

It includes an Ancient Hebrew belief in the consequences of speaking God's name outside the Temple.

Have you downloaded my free BLOOD WILL TELL? Please do since if it does well enough perhaps my co-workers will stop mocking my writing dream! :-) Roland

Elizabeth Seckman said...

Very intense. Very good. Loved the needed all fours to hold him up. That imagery captures the hopeless emotion perfectly.

Amber said...

@Ronald- does your blog explain how and where to download your book? And you are right, sort of. this is the third of four fight scene, but it is the first grand scale battle, in which one will follow shortly after.-but def. not the end. :)

@Elizabeth-thanks for the comment. It's hard to express anything in just 250 words, but I felt I needed to paint a picture in order to clearly portray the mood :) SHOW-don't tell, as my cp would say :)

Amber said...

sorry ROLAND...got my letters jumbled.

Angela Cothran said...

Hopeless? For sure!!! That was tragic! Nice job :)

Cassie Mae said...

This totally reminds me of Star Wars when Obi-wan has to sit and watch Qui-Gon get sliced by Darth Maul. I seriously bawled at that part and this totally brought me there.

Great devastating emotion and I'm hoping the rage comes right after the despair!

Frank Blasi said...

That clip was very moving. It looks to me that you have the potential of a good novelist. I hope you keep it up.
I was impressed with your latest comment to Steve Finnell's blog.
Why not pay a visit to my page,
"Frank's Christian Thoughts" and see whether any of my articles you may find edifying.
God bless,
Frank.

Amber said...

thanks Cassie, it actually goes from despair, to love, to sacrifice, then revenge...but yeah, the rage-revenge/ justice will come into play :)

@Frank-thanks for your comment I will def. be by to check it out. :)

Miranda Hardy said...

Great show of loss and hopelessness. I took a scene from my WIP, too.

New follower. I look forward to your posts.

Hywela Lyn said...

Beautiful imagery here, so tragic - yet I can imagine this is perhaps a new beginning? The hopelessness of the moment certainly came through.

Like Miranda, I posted an excerpt from my current WIP too, perhaps we're closest to the emotion when it's something we're working on at the moment.

All choked up now! :)

Rebecca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

Beautiful writing and very intense.

Amber said...

Thanx everyone for your comments. It was hard for me to decide which scene to pick because with every scene there is a backstory from the previous chapters. And with it being a fantasy story, some of the fiction might get confusing if I just grabbed a chunk from the middle and threw it at you. So I felt this was the best choice for 250 w/c.:)--sorry to bum everyone out. haha--I promise it's not all tragic. But I do tend to write along the lines of Tolkien, dark, but with hope.

Carol Kilgore said...

Intense and powerful. Strong writing.

Cortney Pearson said...

Devastating emotion and beautiful writing!

Nicole Zoltack said...

Very powerful and beauitful!

Melissa Sugar said...

It was intense and comppelling, but so sad. Why did they have to die??? I am a new follower.

Tara Tyler said...

need to know more!
intense scene! great job =)

Amber said...

Thanks everyone for all the sweet comments. My first chapter is located in the tabs if you are interested, along with a snippet from a different chapter (all in the same ms). I hate that you all are so sad about this scene, I want to tell you how everything works out, but I can't give it all away:) I will be posting 2 parts from my wip mon, and Tues for the hook-blogfest and kissing bloghop. Join in the fun :) - and stop back by.

Sharon Bayliss said...

Wow that is a bummer. Very well done! It can be powerful to include something expected like that. It lets the reader know that you're not going to keep the story safe, so they should expect anything!

Thanks for following me! I'm now following you too.

Sharon Bayliss said...

I meant "unexpeceted". :)

Sharon Bayliss said...

Okay, and that time I spelled it wrong. I should go to bed!