February 14, 2012

Kissing bloghop!-- (Anyone who read my scene from Friday should read this-- follows right after that)

Yay, another bloghop...my fifth in 8 days! The wonderful ladies Hope and Cassie are hosting a kissing scene bloghop today. 

Write your best kissing scene and let the bloghop begin.  I know at one point Cassie had asked us to keep it around 300 word count so she didn't have to spend the entire day in front of her computer....so I cut, and cut, and cut some more until my scene was striped to the absolute essentials and the best I could get it to was 363 :(  So sorry, I hate to be difficult and I understand if this 'disqualifies' me from winning, but I wanted this scene to get to a certain point-you'll see why.  *Spoiler Alert*...Oh and this follows right after my emotion scene from Friday, you know, the one where all of you were asking why I killed my mc. Well here's your answer. 






Background- Nuri is a beautiful girl in her late teens.  She is very mysterious, tall, extremely thin. She's a fire breather from another planet with gold hair, yellow eyes and pale, shimmery skin. Quite georgeous and unlike anyone on Gabe's planet. He's crazy about her.

                                                    The Kiss

Gabe’s head was lifted off the ground as Nuri lowered her face to his and whispered, “I have a gift for you.”  Her voice played like a melody in his head. 
Reality was slipping away and he began to lose vision.  His eyes rolled to the white, then her lips pressed into his, catapulting him back to consciousness.  His heart raced to life as if there were a heard of stallions galloping inside his chest.  He forced his eyelids open.  He wanted to capture every second he had left. 
He had never been kissed before and this was sublime.  The girl he loved was in his arms; well, maybe it was the other way around.  So what if he had to get stabbed to get to this point.  He was hers and there was no way death was going to ruin this; it would just have to wait until he finished. 
Her lips felt like cream, molded against his.  Their breath collided between parted jaws and he inhaled her sweet air.  It was warm, comforting him within it as it traveled down.  Gladly he drew another breath, needing to taste her fire again.  Then it hit him.  I’m not suffocating! 
His lungs weren’t gasping for oxygen.  He could breathe.  And more than that, not a part of him seemed to hurt. 
He sucked a sharp breath and Nuri opened her eyes.  She released her mouth from his, making a smacking sound as her skin peeled away.
“How?” he asked.
She smiled and her skin began to glow, as if a fire were being lit within.  He gazed at her thinking, this must be how fire-yielders blush.  She held motionless as the light engulfed her; the only movement was the increasing glow, blazing through her. 
Suddenly, in a tragic epiphany Gabe realized - she wasn’t answering his question because she truly had stopped moving.  She wasn’t blinking. Her chest no longer rose with breath. 
Alarmed, he jerked up.  But it didn’t matter.  There was nothing that could be done.  
She burst into a million tiny-orbs of gold light.  Exploding embers rocketed out in every direction in a terrible display of a beautiful sacrifice.




This is the condensed version, so forgive the rush in emotions. But that's the basic scene. Any comments and critiques are greatly welcomed!!! Please feel free to critique!!!

23 comments:

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Wow, that is one powerful kiss! Nothing a guy loves more than for the girl he kisses to burst into a million tiny-orbs of gold light. :D

Amber said...

haha, yes Gabe is devastated! He never fully recovers from this- even though it saves his life.

Kelley said...

Holy crap. Wow. Poor Gabe! Very well written.

Susan Oloier said...

What a beautifully painted and intense kissing scene. I like it!

Morgan said...

Ooo... seems intense ;) I loved the "Her lips felt like cream" Niiiice. ;D

Krista M said...

Wow, that is a very intense kiss! Great scene!

Emily R. King said...

Powerful stuff! Thanks for sharing.

Amber said...

Thanks everyone for your wonderful comments! I have been so busy lately that I have fallen behind on my cp duties. So as soon as I get caught up on my over-due critiquing- I will be around to all of your scenes. Can't wait to see what everyone has written :)

Cassie Mae said...

Ack! Sad :( So sad. She should come back and make out with him more.

Nancy Thompson said...

Now THAT is one powerful kiss! Thanks for sharing. I'm a new follower via the bloghop!

phyllis sweetwater said...

Dang! that's harsh!

Hope Roberson said...

Oh my! I have chills! That last line, oh so perfect! This sounds like an amazing story, I want to read more! Happy Valentine's day :)

David P. King said...

5 hops in 8 days? You've been busy!

Nice excerpt! Good to meet you. :)

Kate Larkindale said...

Wow! That must be some kiss.... Poor guy.

LynNerdKelley said...

What an intense scene. Her sacrifice, wow, so powerful. I wasn't expecting that. Well done, Amber!

Shell Flower said...

Whoa, super intense kiss of life/death. Damn. Poor guy finally gets the girl of his dreams and she dies saving his life. I hope she is some sort of pheonix that can rise from the ashes for another hot kiss!

El said...

I am very intrigued!! What a powerful, mysterious kiss! I really enjoyed your writing style, I felt like I was right there watching the scene...and I want more!

J. A. Bennett said...

That is so sad! Sacrifice is so selfless, but at the same time, I want them together. great job!

Jack said...

Great scene! But man, she's gone...nevertheless, a pretty emotionally intense scene!

Matthew MacNish said...

Whoa. That was incredible.

The Capillary said...

That left me very curious about those two!

Sara said...

Wow...that was a powerful kiss. I'm so sad for Gabe.

Hope Roberson said...

You won my fourteen page critique with this awesome kissing scene! Feel free to send your pages any time to me at hoperoberson at hotmail dot com :) Can't wait to hear more of this story!!