June 6, 2013

I'm ready

I volunteered at VBS (vacation bible school) this week to help with some of our special needs children.

Last night I got to hang out with a pair of autistic twins at VBS and one of their therapists. This was the first time I'd met Elsa. It went a little like this......

We chat casually about work. She tells me she has an autistic son and that's how she got into the field she's in now (behavioral/language therapy). Then she asks what I do.

It's that moment, should I say I'm a stay-at-home-mom which I am, or do I say I'm a writer? Because technically I don't have any published books. Non-writers don't understand how much of a process it is. I am a writer, whether I'm published yet or not. I've put in two years of endless hours typing away and I've earned that title.

Deep breath. "I'm a writer and stay-at-home-mom."

"Oh? What do you write?"

"Well..... currently I'm finishing the final edits on my memoir."

"Oh yeah? What's it about?"

Oh crap.
What do I say? I barely know this lady. "Um." Crap. You have to tell her. Move your lips. She's waiting. Say something already. Deep breath. "When I was fifteen I was kidnapped and raped and it's about the struggles I faced and how being a Sunday only Christian just wouldn't cut it anymore. My youth pastor suggested I start reading The Bible. I found strength and healing through God's word and He carried me through the pain." Exhale.

Her mouth hangs open. She stares at me like I spoke Japanese. "Wow. What age group is it for?"

"I guess it's more for teenaged girls. I'm really honest in my memoir about how imperfect I am. I think teenagers will connect with it because they won't feel like they're being preached to. So many Christian books show perfect characters and in mine it's the opposite. I make tons of mistakes but God is always there to pick me up. My goal is to steer them toward Jesus and The Bible."

She smiles. "That's really great. I think you'll touch a lot of lives."

It's still terrifying talking about the subject of my memoir. It's getting easier though.

The more I talked with Elsa, the more we connected. Even though there's an age gap (she has a college aged daughter), we both know a thing or two about pain and suffering. She said she came to that point in her life, where she was so destroyed she had absolutely no place to go except to Jesus.

That is what I call being perfectly broken, when you're so shattered you can't possibly put the pieces back together on your own. There, in the midst of your broken soul, you realize you NEED God.

Talking with her last night lit a fire under my butt. I'm excited, a little petrified, but mostly excited about this journey I'm on. I'm so thankful for all the friends who have supported me along the way!



Donna Hole said...

It does get easier. Glad the edits are going fine.


Frank Blasi said...

Wishing you all the best in getting your book published.

Amber said...

Thank you Donna and Frank!