May 15, 2014

WHEN GOD IS BIGGER THAN MY EXPECTATIONS

Choosing to do a KICKSTARTER (click to go to link) to raise the funds for my memoir was scary because it was something that would be completely out of my control. I had no idea what to expect once the kickstarter was up and running. What would I do if it failed? Would that break my spirit? What if all those people who say they support me, really don't mean it?

I told myself that I had to trust in God to take care of this. If it was the right time, then He would pave the way. If it wasn't the right time, He would close this door and lead me in a different direction and I needed to trust His will for my life. I WOULD trust His will for my life.

What I figured would happen is somewhere around 30-50 of my closest friends and family would donate small amounts of $15-$30. I had a list of people in my head that I was sure would step in and help. I knew this still wouldn't get me to the needed amount of $4,500, but that's where I prayed God would step in and do a miracle.

This is where I laugh.


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People are unpredictable. People are unreliable.

God is always the same. I had too much faith in people and not enough faith in God---A life long struggle of mine. But God is faithful to remind me who's in control.

I posted the kickstarter on my fb and almost instantly I had a $100 donation!!! A few minutes later I had another $100 donation!

Before five minutes was over, I had $200 worth of donations. As I wiped tears from my eyes I asked my husband who he thought it was from. We both figured it was a friend of my mom's who's always quick on fb. The second donation we weren't sure. I finally figured out how to check the names and when I saw the two names my mouth fell open and my eyes filled with tears.

I knew these names, but they weren't names I expected to see. One of them was an old friend who I hadn't seen in fourteen years (we live in different states). Another was a follower on twitter who I barely know at all.

I was speechless.

And then days passed with nothing. Several friends retweeted and helped spread the word on fb, but the donations weren't coming. And then church came and went and people just pretended like they didn't see my kickstarter on fb. And when I brought it up people just kind of brushed me off.

I found myself crying later that day, but this time they weren't happy tears; They were tears of disappointment.


It wasn't about the money as much as it was about the principle. I have done for many of these people and when I found myself in need..... well they just weren't interested.

I could rattle off dozens of names of people who I've brought food to when they had babies, bought gifts for on birthdays or baby shower gifts. I'm always eager to give. I LOVE to give.

After my EPIC pity party, I made my mind up about a few things.

#1-I was jumping to conclusions. Some of them might be waiting for payday. Some of them might be intentionally waiting until the end to make sure they donate enough. I needed to stop judging!!!! I NEEDED TO STOP BEING A SELFISH CRYBABY AND STOP JUDGING!

#2-I would continue to give. Even if none of my church friends donated. I would continue to do for them when things came up because that's who I am.

#3-I wouldn't hold a grudge no matter what the outcome was. Bitterness eats away at a person.

I don't know what those people are going through and if they don't have the means to donate $15 then I need to be understanding.

So a couple of weeks have passed since and only 5 people from my church donated out of the 30 or so that I "expected".  BUT those 5 people donated $895!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHOA!!! GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN MY OBSTACLES.

I've had several family members donate. And of course I've got to give a shout out to my mom! :) And remember that gap I mentioned, where the number of friends and family, plus the small donations I "expected", didn't equal the amount needed?

Well, so far I've had 9 people I don't know donate a total of $1,606!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These are people who have come across the kickstarter and were moved to donate!


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On top of those numbers, there have been many people who weren't on my "expected" list who've donated. And when I get the notification saying that someone who I haven't seen in twelve years just donated $55, I'm left with my jaw on the floor.

God is all over this situation and I have been blown away! I can't believe the amounts being donated! I'm just in awe of His power.

As of right now I have 23 backers who've donated $4,196!!! Those two numbers together just blow my mind!!!!

So things haven't turned out how I "expected", but they've shown me how powerful God is.

The kickstarter is 93% funded and 9 days left to go. But I'm not worried. God's got this!!!! He is so much bigger than my "expectations"!!!


~Amber


1 comment:

The Gathering said...

Here is the link to Amber's Kickstater, if you need help finding it: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1148282690/perfectly-broken-a-memoir-of-rape-and-redemption?mobile=0